Why I Stopped Playing Live Music (and What You Can Learn From It)

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I sat on my friend’s bed, my guitar on my lap. 

Through the bedroom door, I heard people shuffling in and making conversation. 

I looked down at my setlist. Then the knot in my stomach dropped even lower, sending a sensation down through my legs.

Breathe, dude.

My friend was hosting the first house show I’d done in years. And it was just me ‒ no opening act, no band members. Just me and my acoustic guitar (and my banjo). 

It was almost time to get started. So I opened the door and stepped out into the living room where my stool stood as the center of attention. 

I looked to my right and saw my foldout table merch station: postcards that said “nobody can live alone,” an email list signup form, a tip jar, and a few shirts I had handmade with iron-on letters. 

Straight ahead of me was my audience…of about nine people, including the husband-wife duo who were hosting me and my then-wife. 

So really, only a few “fans” had shown up.

I thanked everyone for coming and started playing my set.  

Then, as I was playing one of my originals, I thought, “I’m not having fun. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

That was in 2019. And I haven’t done my own show since. 

I’ve done a couple of background-noise concerts that paid well and a few open mics.

But I’m no longer actively playing live music. 

Let me explain why, and what you can learn from my experience…

What Made Me Realize I Had To Stop Playing Live Shows

My gut. That’s what first told me I didn’t enjoy playing live. 

Literally, it felt like a little troll was inside me, grabbing my intestines and squeezing. Every live performance. 

And I know a lot of performers feel nervous before a show yet get into it once they’re on stage.

But people who like to perform enjoy the actual act of performing. I don’t. 

I like sharing my songs, especially in intimate settings. 

That’s why I do open mics. I don’t have to set up the equipment, it’s not up to me to get people to show up, I only play 2-3 songs, then I get to hear other artists play. 

And I like playing music with friends. In fact, I was in a band for a brief stint and it was so much fun ‒ the band rehearsals were fun, not the concerts.

But the act of being the center of attention as people wait for me to entertain them is not fun for me.

My point is, listen to your gut. It will tell you what you enjoy.

Don’t do something just because someone told you that that’s what you should do.

In today’s music industry, you have so many options for making a living.

So listen to your intuition, figure out what you enjoy. The income will follow. 

What Part of Music Do You Need To Quit?

First, you need to figure out what specific aspect of music you want to pursue. And to do that, say no.

In order to find your “hell yes,” you need to know what part of music to quit.

Carve away the things you don’t love so you can see what’s underneath. 

For me, I had to quit actively playing live so I could focus on songwriting and producing. 

So how do you figure out what you need to quit? 

Pay attention to how you feel as you’re doing the different aspects of being a musician. Your gut will lead you.

Do you dread recording? Maybe music production isn’t your thing.

Do you have little patience with new musicians? Maybe don’t give instrument lessons.

Or, like me, do you simply not enjoy playing live music? Then maybe don’t be a performing musician.

Find your no’s, get rid of them, and you’ll discover your yes.

How To Find Your Focus as a Musician

Saying no is hard. It’s difficult to focus on just a few big aspects of music when there are so many possibilities. 

Discovering what you like and don’t like as a musician requires focus.

So here are the steps to find your big yes’s as a musician…

Figure out what to say no to

This is maybe the most difficult step, but it’s necessary. 

Pay attention to what you don’t enjoy doing as a musician. Then cut that out of your plan.

In the same way I decided to cut out playing live, you’ll have your own version of that.

Now, will I still accept an invitation to play a live gig under certain circumstances?

Yes, if it pays well and/or if it will give me a lot of exposure.

Don’t actively pursue your no’s, but do stay open to opportunities if they’re good for your music career. 

Discover what you love doing

After you’ve discovered your no’s, you’ll have a clearer picture of your yes’s. 

To hone in on what you truly love doing in music, ask yourself this question: what are you doing when you lose track of time?

This is called “flow state.” 

For me, it’s writing and recording songs. 

For you, it could be playing live.

What will you do even after a long day of work because it gives you life?

Make a plan to move yourself forward 

Once you know what you enjoy and don’t enjoy as a musician, it’s time to make a plan. 

The end goal is to live a life that involves doing more of what you find rewarding. 

And your dreams only come true when you want them to. Because when you want something, you take action to get it. 

The best place to start your plan is with The One-Thing-A-Day Worksheet (free download below).

It will help you lay out your big picture, set goals to get you there, and find small things you can do today to move forward.

Get The One-Thing-A-Day WorksheetThe tool that helps me make music every day, without fail...

How To Start Playing Live Shows (Resources!)

Let’s say you’ve realized you love to play live music. 

I’m not going to assume you’re like me and you’d rather stay home and make music than interact with other humans.

If you’re someone who loves the stage, I don’t want to leave you hanging.

So here are some resources from other people with more experience than me when it comes to playing live:

Join the conversation below...

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