The first incision you’ll want to make is right down the middle of your scalp.
I’m going to assume you’ve already shaved your head, sanitized your tools, and are wearing your medical gloves and scrubs.
To get started, pick up your scalpel and make sure you have a firm grip. Place the blade at the base of your head, right where your neck and skull meet.
As you move the knife from the back of your scalp to the front, keep it going in a straight line right down the middle of your head. This will ensure you can efficiently remove and, later, replace your brain.
The incision should stop right above the forehead. Once you’ve made this cut, you should be able to pull apart the skin on your head. Do so now.
Now grab the bone cutter and make an oval-shaped cut right on the top of your skull, slightly bigger than the circumference of your brain.
After this cut, remove the oval-shaped piece of your skull and place it on your sterilized table.
Next, gently lift your brain up and out of your skull using both hands.
Place your brain on the table.
The first thing you’ll notice about this organ is that most of it is probably colored red. No, not from blood.
You see, the more time and energy a person gives to their day job or career position, the redder the brain becomes.
And the more time and energy a person gives to their true passion — in your case, music — the brain becomes a sort of translucent silver.
But don’t worry, red is good. You need some red until your brain has developed enough of the silver substance to cover the whole brain.
Now, the next step is crucial, so pay careful attention.
After you’ve done your initial examination of the brain, it’s time to start cutting it into pieces.
The sections you’ll be dividing it into are as follows:
- Frontal lobe: transmits data regarding what occupies your day, like your day job, a career position, school, or child-rearing
- Temporal lobe: transmits data regarding your family relationships
- Parietal lobe: transmits data regarding friendships
- Occipital lobe: transmits data regarding your true passion (music)
- Cerebellum: transmits data regarding miscellaneous things like to-do lists and that annoying feeling you get after a haircut
If you look closely, you’ll be able to see where each section meets the one it borders. Use your scalpel to carefully cut along these borders.
As you separate each section, leave them in the general area where they started on the table. You’ll have to put your brain back together and you don’t want to mix anything up.
Once the pieces have been separated, grab the Elmer’s Glue and the cardboard strips you should have already prepared ahead of time.
On the sides of each section that touches another section, glue a piece of cardboard to it. Then glue the opposite side of the cardboard and place the brain sections back together.
The end result should be a reassembled brain with a strip of cardboard in between each section of the brain.
Why the strips of cardboard?
Research has shown that your brain senses the cardboard material and alters its sensory input and output as if it were in its own cardboard box.
Which is the whole point of this very serious, very real procedure.
By cutting your brain into pieces and dividing them with cardboard, you are “silo-ing” each section, and therefore, each part of your life.
You’ll be able to better balance your daily responsibilities, relationships, to-do lists, and your musical endeavors. Because the different areas of your life will have their own mental space, their own box in which to dwell.
Patients who have undergone this procedure have seen improvements in the following areas:
- Keeping a schedule
- Being more present with loved ones
- Having more focus during their workday
- Feeling more relaxed and more creative during their free time (which, for you, is when you’d be making music)
Studies have also shown that this procedure rapidly increases the formation of the silver substance that’s prevalent in the brains of successful people.
But you’re not done with the procedure yet. You’ll still need to put your brain back.
Take your reassembled brain in both hands and gently place it back into your head through the hole in your skull (make sure it’s not backward). Replace the oval-shaped piece of your skull and solder it back on. Then bring the two halves of your scalp back together and sew the incision shut.
Now you’re ready to pursue music with a clear head and a cleanly divided brain.
When you undergo your MRI in six weeks, we should see an increase in silver coloring and a decrease in red coloring. That means you conducted the procedure correctly and you’re on the right track. If we don’t see those changes, then…well, we’ll talk about that when you get here.
This concludes the step-by-step instructions on how to cut your brain into pieces.
BALANCE YOUR BRAIN
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